Marriage Isn't For You

Several of my friends on FB posted this link the other day, so I decided to check it out...and glad I did! It's such a good short piece about marriage, I just knew I had to share it with you guys. Enjoy!

Marriage Isn't For You
by Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me. Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

What It Means For Me

The government shutdown. It's what everyone is talking about these days. On one hand, I'm enjoying the fact that the price of wheat has gone up every day for the past week and a half. On the other hand, that's only cool for so long, because it's a short term solution to a long-term problem.

The shutdown is affecting everyone. If you haven't felt it yet, you eventually will. Being a farmer, it directly affects us as well

My blogger friend Jenn at Almost Gypsy Soul works for the USDA-Farm Service Agency. She wrote a great blog about it yesterday, so I thought I'd take bits and pieces from hers, and add in our beginning farmer experience to the mix. She told about the 15 different parts of the Farm Bill, which some of you may or may not have heard about.

1. Commodity - provides income support to growers of select commodities
2. Conservation - provides funding for farm environmental stewardship thought programs that improve management practices, retire less productive land and protect natural resources
3. Agricultural Trade & Food Aid - funds US agriculture export and international food assistance programs and various WTO obligations
4. Nutrition - covers domestic food, nutrition and commodity distribution programs such as food stamps and supplemental nutrition assistance as well as purchases of fresh fruit and vegetables in schools and expanded programs for farmers markets and urban gardens.
5. Farm Credit - offers direct and guaranteed loan program to farmers via 2 government related farm lenders the USDA Farm Service Agency and the Farm Credit System.
6. Rural Development - funds rural development loan and grant programs, the expansion of rural broadband, water infrastructure and promotes locally produced ag food products
7. Research - supports agricultural research and extension programs, including bio security and response, biotechnology and organic production
8. Forestry - fund USDA Forest Service programs that protects forests from threats, restore forests damaged by natural disasters and enhance public benefits from private forests.
9. Energy - supports the development of bio fuels refineries and research; helps farmers, ranchers and rural small businesses purchase renewable energy systems
10. Horticulture & Organic Agriculture - encourages the production and consumption of organic agriculture commodities
11. Livestock - addresses livestock disease prevention and food safety concerns and enhances electronic mandatory livestock reporting
12. Crop Insurance & Disaster Assistance - protects farmers from risks associated with adverse weather, weather related plant disease and insect infestation
13. Commodity Futures - covers re-authorization of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, an independent agency that regulates commodity futures trading in the US
14. Miscellaneous - expands programs to assist limited resource and socially disadvantaged farmers and addresses rural development, agricultural labor supply and animal welfare.
15. Trade & Taxes - introduces numerous tax provisions affection conservation and commodity program payments, timber investment, bio fuel production and agricultural income.

Officially called 2008 Food, Conservation and Energy Act and dubbed the Farm Bill, although a very small percentage of the total bill actually goes to farmers and ranchers. See the graph shows that a majority, nearly 80% of the $ goes to food/nutrition for the food stamp program. There are several of these representations floating around, all varying slightly in specific numbers, however the disproportionate amounts are generally the same.

 

 

The items above I listed in bold are the ones that I have the knowledge to speak of that have directly affected us. I know some of the others have as well, but I'll stick to the ones I know for sure. 

 

#2: We deal directly with Conservation Reserve Project lands, which is where we get some of the hay that we feed our cows. The point is for these lands to sit and rest for awhile, so not all land is used for farming. It helps cut down on erosion, and keeps more nutrients in the soil. They also help supplement farmers with some money if they want to plant trees, shrubs or plants that help prevent soil erosion by building wind breaks.

 

#5: This is the most important one I'll talk about. Bottom line: If Patrick and I did not have the Farm Service Agency, we would not be farmers. FSA and the government is used as a last resort when it comes to funding. When we started out 3 years ago, we had to go to several banks with our farming business proposal, only to be rejected. FSA would not even touch us until we had been rejected by other financial institutions. You know how embarrassing that is? Going in and asking for an astronomical amount of money for a business, when you have no business history? And KNOWING that they're going to reject you? I mean, there are worse things, but it definitely wasn't my favorite thing to do.

So after we got the loan from FSA-and mind you, they don't GIVE us anything. What they do give is a very low-interest rate on our loan to help cut costs. Our first year we got bad weather and due to a glitch with our insurance that eliminated us from being covered under our plan, couldn't repay the loan, so they termed it out over several years. Anything we sell, the check comes back with our names and FSA's name on it. So basically we don't make any money until all of the money is paid back every year-which is how it should be.

 

They also have a limit of 7 years that we can borrow from them. We're in our 3rd year and have started working with a local bank, but FSA still had to basically co-sign our bank loan with us. The reason they try to help out with beginning farmers so much, is because our farmers are aging. There are a lot of old farmers and fewer young farmers. The world needs more food, and with less farmers that's going to be hard. They are trying to do what they can to help people get into farming. And if you think for one second it's easy...please, I invite you to come visit :)

 

#6: This will be brief: Last year the farm got a grant that helped pay for the installation of water lines and tanks in our pastures. Trenches were dug, line was laid, and now our cows get water all the time without us having to haul water to them every day, to multiple fields. This cuts down on gas, vehicle maintenance, electricity, and less dust in the air when driving down the county roads and fields.

#12: Remember when I told you our insurance had a glitch our first year of farming and we couldn't repay our loan? Because the USDA offers the NAP program, we had signed up for it and 2 years later were able to get a bunch of money from the NAP insurance that helped pay back our FSA loan. This was all weather-related and we had no control over it. Our crop insurance (that we are required to carry) had a clause for first year farmers that our insurance agent messed up, therefore we were not covered. So when the insurance companies deny us because we missed one deadline we didn't even know about, the government stepped in and was able to help us repay the loan. And for the record, we are still repaying our first year's loan.

 

And because we're such good farmers we like to listen to Rural Radio on SiriusXM...yes, there is such a thing. If you think the expiring Farm Bill won't affect you, think again. The laws will go back to what they were in the 1940's. We'll be getting paid about $14 per bushel of wheat (which is twice as much as it is now), you'll be paying $8 for a loaf of plain bread, and about $10 for a gallon of milk. And that's just the beginning of it.

 

Farming just doesn't happen.  Do we have nice things? Yes, but remember, I work a full time job, and so does Patrick, outside of our farm income. And both of these incomes make it so our farm can be successful.

 

And my final thought I'll leave you with is a question Jenn asked...

 

And my final question to you...Would you rather your tax dollar go to subsidize a hardworking farmer or rancher, working to provide a safe, affordable food supply who has fallen on hard times through weather related disaster or would you rather your tax dollar go to a growing food stamp program?

 

Rye Whiskey, Rye Whiskey

Today marks one year since my grandpa's passing. Last year, he passed away on Father's Day, which oddly enough was also his birthday. It's hard to even know what to say, let alone put it into words. But somehow talking (or typing) it out makes it a little bit better. I'm going to remember him this year by listing the things that I remember best about him.

 

Celebrating their 50th Anniversary in 2010

My grandpa was a different sort of guy. He was the type of person who would do something just for shock value, and to try and get a reaction out of you. 

He had never-ending stories about anything and everything.

He "collected" a LOT of things. 

He knew the most random things you would ever think of.

He was always thinking about you. If he saw something that reminded him of you, or he thought you might like, he bought it for you.

He loved going to the swap meet. I even went with him a couple of times, and I was so excited the time I went with him and he bought me embroidery thread so I could make ankle bracelets.

He loved all his girls. 3 daughters and 5 granddaughters. And grandsons too of course :)

He had a distinct smell to him. Not stinky, but just, I dunno. Smelled like grandpa to me.

He gave the BEST hugs.  Never halfway, always a full squeeze.

There was still so much about him and stuff he did in his life that I'll never know about, but wish I took the time to hear.

He worked his butt off to take care of his family.

He was worth every penny that he saved. And he saved a lot of them. In cans, in the backyard :)

He loved his veggies. And 9 grain bread.

He may act gruff sometimes, but he was a big ol' softie on the inside.

I loved it when he would greet me. He always said, "Well hello darlin".

These are just a few of my memories that I hold dear of my grandpa. I think about him often, and miss him a lot. Sending out lots of love and hugs to my family today. I know it's hard, but we're happy that he's not hurting anymore and can be at rest. We're blessed and lucky that we were able to spend as much time with him as we did.

I love you grandpa.

Angel Wings

Remember back in January when I asked you guys to go support this little boy Ryker and his family for the contest with the TV Show Live with Kelly and Michael?

Well we got word on Friday evening from my high school friend Tisha (who is Ryker's aunt), that this precious little baby earned his angel wings and left the earth to spend the rest of his days in heaven.

Please join me in praying for peace, healing and understanding for his family, and everyone else who was touched by this sweet little boy. 

Rest in peace sweet angel.

Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain

This isn't meant for anything specific going on, I just found it and had to share. No matter what friends, when bad things happen, you will learn from it. It might consume your life for a little while or even a long time. But just keep your head up, keep praying, and everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

Just A Minute of Your Time

Good Tuesday my friends! Today I'm bringing you a story about a little family that could use our help.

My friend Tisha, who I went to high school and some college with, has a nephew who needs our help. His name is Ryker, and he was born on March 7, 2012 with a heart condition called  Heterotaxy RAI (right atrial isomerism) with asplenia and ventricular discordance.

After he was born, he and his parents were flown to Boston Children's Hospital where he has undergone many surgeries (his first open heart surgery was at 2 weeks old). His family has picked up and moved to Boston to help this little guy in the fight for a life that every child deserves. He's been alive for 325 days, and has spent all of those days living in a hospital.

Click HERE to read more about Ryker and his family's journey through all of this.

Or you can subscribe to her blog HERE.

So how can you help?

See, Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan on LIVE! With Kelly and Michael are having a contest for an UNSTOPPABLE MOM. Ryker's mom's name is Rachel, and she definitely deserves the unstoppable mom award. Ryker is the 5th child in their family. Not only has Rachel fought for Ryker from the very beginning, but she's been able to continue being a great mommy to her other daughters and sons, and a great wife to her husband Jason.

She has gone above and beyond in learning about this extremely rare heart condition, and with the help of many doctors, helps make the right decision for her baby every day. Given the circumstances, she is one of the most positive and hopeful people I've ever seen when going through something like this.

So what does she get if she wins? She'll be going on the show with Kelly and Michael, and $100,000 which will go to his medical costs.

HERE IS THE LINK TO NOMINATE HER!!
DEADLINE IS FEBRUARY 8th!!

You will need the following information:

You will need the following info to submit Rachel Warner
Email: Rachel.warner@live.com 

Birthday February 7, 1984
Address: Bostons Children Hospital 300 Longwood Ave Boston, MA 02115 

Phone Number: 801.671.4864

You will also need to upload a photo. Feel free to use either of the ones above, or the one below. 

  

 

No baby should ever have to go through what this little man has. Bless his mother and family for being as strong as they are. So come on blogger friends, please nominate Rachel. That's one of the great things about a blogging community-we can all come together to help one another when someone asks. So my friends, please do this one for me and this family. They deserve it! And please keep all of them in your prayers as well. 

I'll update you as soon as I know more information!

I Love the Fall, But I Don't Love Fires

I know people have been talking about Fall for about a month now, and Starbucks has brought back their Pumpkin Spice latte...so I guess it's here right? I've seen a couple of these floating around Pinterest

While that's all cute and super duper, I'll just crumple that right up and throw it into the pile of cow shit that we'll be hauling. Now, do I wish I could do all of these things? Yes. In fact, I'll probably do one of them like bake a pie or make smores. I also wish I could fit my giant calves into those cute boots that everyone wears with skinny jeans during fall and winter.

Our fall "To Do list" looks a little different that this one. It includes:

-Piling and scooping up cow shit from the corrals, and hauling it off to the fields to use as fertilizer.

-Winterizing the sprayer now that we're done spraying weeds, so all of the fluids drain out and the pipes don't freeze.

-Putting away anything and everything that may get in the way of snow plowing/shoveling around our yard and driveway. This includes all flower pots, pavers, lawn chairs, lawn mower, etc. 

-Moving, stacking, hauling, and stacking again of hay bales. 

-Fixing fence.

-Getting corrals ready for the cows, for when they need shelter from the snow.

-Bringing the cows "home" so they're closer to the yard. 

-Finalizing farm expenses and preparing paperwork for taxes for next year.

-Cleaning out the combines, headers and grain trucks so the mice don't crawl all around in them during winter.

-Parking all of the large equipment in their designated parking spots around the farm and farmyard.

-Loading grain up in the silo to feed to the yearlings and momma cows in the spring.

-Hauling oats into town to get rolled. (Can you say ITCHY!!! It feels like you've rolled in fiberglass after you've worked with oats).

-Detail all of the farm pickups after harvest since they're usually a ridiculous mess!


That's really all I can think of, but I'm sure my farmer will think of more tasks for me :)

Also, this is my last post for the week. I am on my last day of a work conference which gets done today at 3, then I'm driving the 8 hours back home. I'm picking my brother up in Billings, driving him home so he can get his National Guard stuff, and he's on standby for duty for the fires in Hamilton, Montana, my hometown where I grew up. 

Please pray for the firefighters, everyone working on the fires, and that everyone else stays safe. This makes me so sad :( 

Here are some devastating pictures of my hometown:

This one was taken by Laura Alcantara

 

 

Some Things I Know About Marriage

Although this is a little later than promised, it's still here! 

Patrick and I had our 4th Wedding Anniversary on August 30th. Instead of doing gifts or something big each year, in the odd years I plan the date, and on the even years he plans the date. They are usually surprises for the spouse who is not doing the planning.

This year Patrick told me to come home from work a little bit early. I got home at about 3 pm, and he said we had to drive a little ways before we got to our destination. I did have a small gift for him, which I gave him at this point. Have you seen those things on Pinterest for the date night popsicle sticks?

That's what I gave him. He wanted to pick his first one, so he did and it said "Beer Tasting". He says, "That's funny, we might be doing some of that later." I don't think anything of it and we leave the house. He tells me I have to close my eyes the whole way there. Basically I talk him out of it, because there are really only a couple main roads and I would know where we were going regardless if I had my eyes open or closed. We drive into Sidney (24 miles), then head out of town towards Glendive (50 miles). At Glendive, we get on the Interstate, and start driving. Once we get on the interstate I know there's probably only one place we're going to go. We get off of the Interstate at Wibaux (pronounces Wee-bow). It's a VERY small town, and I say, "We ARE going to the brewery!" because Wibaux is famous for their brewery. And for the movie Knockaround Guys, which was filmed there. 

We headed to a place called the Shamrock Bar and Grill, and had a great dinner of ribs, giant baked potatoes and a salad bar. It was delish! Next, we headed across the street to the Beaver Creek Brewery to taste some of their homemade beers.

Let's just say after one of the microbrews, I was pretty buzzed. We were so full from dinner and beer that we decided to head home, since it was almost a 2 hour drive. But before we left, we decided to take home a grolwer of their homemade root beer! It was so good!

And what does one do with a full growler of root beer?

Make root beer floats of course! This is why I don't look good in a bathing suit.

It was a great night, and I'm excited to do the rest of our date night popsicle sticks! I have one for every week of the year!

Getting serious now...

For those of you who are married, you know that it takes work. And anyone like my grandparents, aunts and uncles and parents, who have all been married over 30 years, it doesn't come easy! Every day you have to make a conscious effort. So for any of you who are newly married, getting married, thinking about it, or even been married longer than I have, I have some short pieces of advice. Some of them I've learned myself, others I have observed of other married couples, and others I have been taught by my parents or other couples:

1. Be their cheerleader. You are the one person that is supposed to support them in everything they do. If you disagree with something they would like to do, GENTLY bring up your concerns.

2. Be honest with them. Dishonesty gets you nowhere, and can hurt worse down the road.

3. Get off the couch and greet the other spouse when they get home from work or somewhere else. 

4. Tell them that you appreciate them, a lot. 

5. Make the time to go on dates with each other, no matter how busy you are. If we can do it, so can you!

6. Never talk down to them...especially in public or around their family. 

7. Simple: treat them as you would want to be treated.

8. Watch your tone, as well as the words you choose when arguing. 

9. Sometimes, you really just need to wait naked for them in bed. 

10. And speaking of the bedroom, surprise them once in awhile...it will keep them on their toes. And most likely your "honey do" list will get a lot shorter :)

11. Know that you both are a family unit now. Don't let each other's families decide what you should do, where you should go, or any other major decision in your lives. You two decide what's best for YOU.

12. You always love the other person. Even if sometimes you don't like them very much, you ALWAYS love them and need to let them know that.

13. Don't EVER let the "D" word be thrown around casually, or when you're arguing. NEVER.

14. The grass is never greener on the other side....it's greener where you water it. 

I could go on and on! Believe me, I know marriage takes work. Work and lots of patience. But it is absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, worth every waking moment :) Everybody now....Awwwwwww!

What are your relationship pieces of advice?

15 Things....

I am taking a 180 degree turn from the past two days, and going a completely different direction today. I read a news article called 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. This is GOOD, so I thought I'd share it with all of you. I've struggled being a control freak, not letting the little things go, and well, basically everything else on this list. I have been working on some things for myself to help with all of these things on this list. Take it to heart, and try it out-you'll feel better! I know it's long, but at the end you'll be happy you read it.

P.S. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT COMING ON THE BLOG TOMORROW!!! BE SURE TO COME BACK AND SEE WHAT IT IS!!!! And for God's sake...no, I'm not pregnant.

Enjoy!

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

1. Give up your need to always be right

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question:  What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

“Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
 

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.  

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
 

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

 

So What Happened Next?

This is gonna be a follow up to yesterday's post.

This morning when we got to the classroom, it was as if most of the class had the same idea, that we needed to do something about this mother who thought it was appropriate to breastfeed without a cover up, in front of the whole class. The group sitting next to her moved completely across the classroom and said they couldn't handle sitting next to the one year old for another day. Several others moved around, and we tried to leave seats at the back of the classroom open for her. Well, she was about 15 minutes late to class, and the only seat that happened to be left open, was another one, FRONT row, in the CENTER. And she breastfed her child right in front of everyone again, with nothing covered up.

It was apparent at our break in the morning that the classroom instructors wanted to do something about moving her to the back of the classroom. They tried finding the people sitting in the back row during the break to try and get them to switch seats with her, but couldn't find them. Fortunately during lunch, another group moved to the front of the classroom and she was able to sit in the back.

I said before that I am a great advocate of breast feeding. That's a wonderful thing for a mother to do. However, please be respectful of people around you that don't know you, and cover up. Better yet, don't bring your child do a learning academy. By the way, this academy is for a federal grant, paid for by federal dollars....aka your tax dollars. During group work, instead of doing what she's supposed to be doing, she chooses to walk around with her child around the classroom, or chase her child around the classroom.

It's just a really frustrating situation overall, but some of it has been remedied thanks to the instructors. This afternoon was better, and hopefully tomorrow will be better yet.

Ok....so tomorrow I'll hopefully be posting something cheerful and bright!  Ha ha ha ha ha. I would love to put pictures or a video on here, but our internet here at the hotel is SO flippin slow I tried downloading a video and it said it would take 22 minutes. That's worse than my internet at home in the middle of nowhere! Until then, you'll just have to deal without :)

Happy Hump Day to you all tomorrow!

What Do You Think?

So, this post is nothing about the farm or anything about my life in Culbertson. I am in Tacoma again this week for work, and after the travel day from hell yesterday, I finally made it to my academy this morning.This isn't an actual conference, it's a training institute put on by the Western Regional Counter-drug Task Force from the US Army.

Last time there was a woman who brought her newborn baby. Like, the  baby was literally 6 weeks old. I can understand that, and admired her dedication for still coming to the academy. This time around, something a little different is going on. The same woman brought her baby back. The baby is now about 4 months old. I guess by her bringing her child last time, this other woman thought it would be okay for her to bring her child, who is one year old.

This woman with the one year old came late to class today, and the only seat available was the one located front and center. The kid did okay at first, but understandably got antsy after awhile from sitting there for so long. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame the kid AT ALL. I know it's not their fault for acting out for being in a situation like this. Then she starts feeding the kid a snickers bar and gatorade. She then set up her laptop for the child to watch a movie, which worked for about half hour. And I guess that wasn't good enough, cause then she started breast-feeding the kid. Right in the middle of class...with nothing covering her.

I absolutely support breast-feeding, but this was a bit much. Throughout the day, she breast-fed her kid about 5 different times. One time it was during group work, and there were 6 other people in the group with myself and this woman, including 2 males. I was uncomfortable, and I can't imagine how those guys felt.

What do you guys think about this? I thought it was fairly inappropriate. I could understand sitting in the back of the classroom, covering up, and that's fine. But this was right in front, middle of the classroom, with NOTHING covering herself up (she did have a blanket with her).

Am I wrong or is this inappropriate??? I'd like to hear what you guys think. And keep your fingers crossed that she takes a seat in the back of the classroom this morning.

Big Fat Liar

Yes, I know I said I would do a Flip On/Off Friday, but I left work early and took a nap. Can you blame me??? You'd do the same thing :)

Today I'm not going to do my challenge, but talk about something that's very important and serious.

Early this morning, I lost yet ANOTHER college friend due to a drunk driving crash. Yes, another. This is the second in two years. He was driving his pickup down a dirt road in Central Montana with seven passengers. Four others were injured and he was the only casualty. Alcohol was a factor. Knowing this person from college, it sadly doesn't surprise me. He and the other person who died 2 years ago were also in the same fraternity as my husband. I knew both of them fairly well and hung out with them often. My question is: How many more times does this have to happen before people get it? One person on Facebook wrote "Why does this keep happening?" I can tell you exactly why it keeps happening. People drink and drive. Simple.

There's also a reason I use the word "crash" instead of "accident." There is nothing accidental about drinking and driving. It is a choice, not an accident.

I'm embarassed to admit that I have done it before. I was in college, and young and VERY dumb. I had the mentality that "it can't happen to me" and that I wouldn't get a Driving Under the Influence ticket. STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. As I grew up and matured, I realized how stupid I was to think such a thing and to make such a poor decision.

Part of my job that I get paid to do every day, is to help reduce drinking and driving. I do trainings, media, and different environmental strategies to keep this from happening. It happens WAY too often, and people don't often get it. It CAN happen to you, and sadly, this friend of mine's crash shows that it WILL happen. The sad thing is, I was talking to this friend 2 years ago about the first crash with our friend in it. I told him that alcohol was involved and he adamantly denied it (I happened to know for a fact that it was-I have a friend with insider knowledge). He didn't want to think that our friend could make such a stupid decision to drink and drive, and would get killed doing so. This same friend who was denying this, is the same friend who made that choice last night.

I'm sad, angry, and mostly frustrated. Seriously, how many more people in this same circle of college friends have to die before others stop drinking and driving?

Please...do me a favor and vow to never drink and drive. If a friend needs a ride home, take them home. If someone else needs a ride, call a cab or offer to call a friend (in our case, we don't have cabs where we live). If you need to, call law enforcement to give them a ride home. Do anything you can possibly do to keep this from happening to someone else.

How is this for Breast Cancer Awareness?

My wonderful Auntie Mandy shared a link on Facebook the other day that was so powerful, I had to share it.

Breast Cancer is not all about the cute pink ribbons, "Save the Ta-Ta's" T-shirts, and sometimes tasteless jokes. If you've ever been through it, seen the pain it causes, or had it affect a family member, you know that the cutsie bracelets don't even cut it.

What does cut it, however is the SCAR Project by David Jay. SCAR stands for Surviving Cancer. Absolute Reality. On his website, SCAR is explained as " a series of large-scale portraits of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay. Primarily an awareness raising campaign, The SCAR Project puts a raw, unflinching face on early onset breast cancer while paying tribute to the courage and spirit of so many brave young women."Please take a minute to check out the website. As a warning, it is very graphic...

THE SCAR PROJECT

Publish Post

As I'm Sure You Already Know...

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month! As some of you may or may not know, both my grandmother and my mom are breast cancer survivors! My grandma was diagnosed and treated 10 years ago, and is still going strong today! My mom was diagnosed in October of 2008, and was officially cancer free in April of 2009.

And before any of you tell me, I already know that I need to get checked early and often!!! I have already visited with my doctor about it. I get checked once a year, and when I turn 30, I will be receiving breast exams twice a year by the doctor. And this is in addition to me checking once a month!

I wanted to dedicate a whole post to this, and you'll probably still be hearing more about this from me in the coming month, because it is an issue that is near and dear to my heart. I am including some frequently asked questions from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure website to get started:

What is Breast Cancer?
Breast cancer is a type of cancer where cells in the breast tissue divide and grow without the usual controls on cell death and cell division.

What are the signs of breast cancer?
The signs of breast cancer are not the same for all women. In fact, some women have no signs that they can see. If you experience any of these symptoms, you should see a doctor right away:

• A lump, hard knot or thickening
• Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening
• Change in breast size or shape
• Dimpling or puckering of the skin
• Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple
• Pulling in of your nipple or other parts of the breast
• Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
• New pain in one spot

What causes breast cancer?
It's a question women want a straight answer to. At the present time, scientists believe that breast cancer is caused by a combination of both known and unknown factors including genetics (such as family history of breast cancer), lifestyle choices (such as diet and alcohol use) and reproductive factors (such as age of menarche and menopause).

What are fibrocystic changes?
Lumpiness plus tenderness or pain at certain times of the month is called fibrocystic breast changes. These changes are a normal part of the menstrual cycle. Women are most likely to notice them in the premenstrual phase of the cycle, or if women are past menopause, when taking hormones. Fibrocystic changes do not increase your chance of getting breast cancer. In contrast, a breast lump that should be checked is one that does not change with your cycle. Any persistent lump or thickening should be checked by your health care provider.

Kindred Spirits

Once in awhile, we meet someone who we feel we have known for ages within minutes of talking to them. I have only experienced this a couple of times in my life, but I had another experience with it while I was in Helena for my work conferences.

The last night of the conference, my boss took a coworker and I out to dinner at the Brewhouse in Helena. She also invited another friend of hers who lives halfway across the state. He showed up right after the appetizer and man, he was a talker! This guy Dan is probably in his late 50's early 60's. The minute he sat down and started talking, I was amazed! This guy told such a good story and I swear I could listen to him tell stories all night!

His family is from Ireland, and so is mine. One of his best friends happened to be my middle school counselor. He was one of the leaders at a summer camp I went to in 8th grade. He used to work for the same company that I did, and has worked with some of the same clients that I did when I was fresh out of college several years ago. One of his other best friends is my old boss.

I find it fascinating that our paths had crossed several times, we knew several of the same people all over the state of Montana and had never met each other.

The group of us ended up listening to him tell stories for several more hours; about working with the high security people in Montana State Prison, about his family in Ireland, his wife, family and workplace. We were at the restaurant for a total of 4 hours! The time flew by so fast just listening to his fascinating memories.

I left there knowing that this older man, who could be my grandfather, was a kindred spirit. He's not going to be the kind that I keep in touch with weekly, or even monthly. I may only see him once a year at these annual conferences. We had so much in common between our families and work, I felt so strongly that he was a kindred spirit. I guess I thought it was a little odd at first, because when I had these experiences in the past, it was with someone my own age, and usually a female. Then we became BFF's and still talk. This one was strange and strikingly different, since he was an older man.

If none of you have ever felt this, I hope that you get to experience it unexpectedly, out of the blue like I did. It's an amazing experience that is hard to put down in words.

And with that, Happy Saturday!!!