Whoever said you can't farm in heels LIED to you!

You know how I know? Cause I DID IT! It was quite the adventure...let me begin.

The culprit:


The victim (not exactly what I was wearing, but very similar):


I work at an office, so oftentimes I am dressed up. On Monday I was wearing these boots with jeans, a black cardigan, and a cute flower in my hair. On my drive home, I always slow down when I drive by our pasture of cows, so I can see if any of them are calving. In this case, there was a cow that was in labor. She had the sack hanging out of her backside. Sooo, I drove down into the farmyard, and found hubs sitting on the porch of his parent's house. I got out and told him that a cow was calving. He said he knew about it, and she was in labor 20 minutes ago as well. This is usually too long for her to be sitting with the sack hanging out her backside and nothing happening to it.

We grabbed FIL and g-pa and jumped in the farm truck (an '85 red chevy). I drove, in my heels, with g-pa in the passenger seat and hubs and FIL sitting on the tailgate. I drive up slowly to the cow and hubs and FIL hop out and walk behind the cow. Then, to my surprise, FIL just walks up and rips open the sack!!! GROSS!!!! So, he basically made her water break. Then he starts pulling on the feet! I'm like, "Holy shit! He's gonna try to pull it out right here!!!" But he couldn't. He said, "It's a big calf!" So that's when they made the decision to walk her into the barn to pull the calf. And yes, by pulling I mean to literally pull the calf out of her she-she.

G-pa and I take off in front of the cow to open up the gates into the barn where said pulling contraption is.

Here's where it starts to get "fun". We drive down, g-pa opens the gates and we start circling around the cow to get behind her. Then we got stuck in the mud. And this truck is the kind where you have to get out and lock in the front wheels to 4-wheel drive. Fortunately for me, g-pa had his muck boots on. He hops out and locks the tires, and then takes off to help with the cow. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in the truck, changing gears between reverse and drive to help rock the truck out of the mudhole I'm in. After a few tries I get out, and start going back around where the ground is dry.

Uno problemo. G-pa left the door open, so I HAD to get out. So then I climb out, in the middle of a cow pasture and am wobbling around in my heels. I shut the door and drive around to the barn, where everything is already getting "hooked up." And by hooked up I mean tying the cow up to a post, then hooking up chains to the calves' feet that are sticking out, then hooking that up to a cranking device that you crank on that pulls the calf out. It's quite sophisticated really. HA!

By the time I get parked, I sit there and decide if I want to walk in the poo/mud/straw to get to the barn. It's only about 50 feet, why not? Well, poo-covered toes is why not. BUT, like any good Prairie Princess would do, I made the trek in heels. I climbed out of the truck, and carefully tip-toed my way along the fence line. I mean, we're talking POO-COVERED ground. MUD. YUCKY YUCKY POO POO. I finally made it into the barn, but I was too late. The calf was on the ground, alive! It was a cute little black one with a white face.

The cow was doing well, but then all of a sudden I hear FIL say, "SHIT! Oh mannnn, I thought this might happen!" Fortunately for me, the cow's head was facing me. You wanna know what happened? She prolapsed! That means that her uterus, and all her "parts" fell out the back of her!!! Don't judge-that would probably happen to you too if you had to push a 100 pound baby out of your hoo-ha. So what happens now? Literally, FIL just picks the stuff up and starts shoving it back inside of her! HOLY SHIT! HOW GROSS!!!!! He literally just grabber her intestines, uterus, tubes, and whatever else is back there, and placed it back inside of her. OMG you guys, I don't even know....that's outta control.

After that whole debacle was over, I tip-toed back to the truck and climbed in. That was enough adventure for this girl for one day, that's for sure. And then I had to go wash my feet. HA! Moral of the story-take your muck boots with you EVERYWHERRRRRRRE!!! (And your camera too, but my battery was dead :( Sad.)

THE END!!!